Don’t mistake this question as a competition between Married couples and Live-In partners. Because it’s not! Marriage is a very highly respectful institution made by our forefathers to lead a better well managed society life. But leading a life on society norms or better say to please the society has become much of an irritation for many especially the younger generation. I do agree that a society or authority with rules and regulations is necessary to manage everything as well as ensuring a peaceful environment. But at the same time we shouldn’t forget that the Society norms should be made for the people and their welfare rather than forcing them to obey rigid age old traditions.
Same goes with Marriage. For me Marriage is all about two people legally adult (including homosexuals) taking a mutual decision to live together with each other with or without their parent’s approval. After all, it’s about the compatibility of two people both physically and mentally if they can live together with each other. Whereas now days Marriage is more like a task with a deadline and is often organized on a large scale following traditions and rituals, pleasing relatives, spending fortunes and so many time consuming activities for days.
So Get Married or Opt for a Live-In Relation?
If you ask me I would simply opt for Live-In relation. I believe that there shouldn’t any binding of “Marriage” to a loving relationship. But then India is not a country where you can have a debate on: Live-In vs Marriage as Live-In relation is considered to be a taboo as per Indian culture.
Now let’s come to the discussion. At the end of the day, if it’s all about two people having decided to live together then I really don’t understand the reason to bind them together with Marriage as if to ensure that they don’t pack their bags home the very next day. If that was the case they would never want to live together at the first place. Many people reading this wouldn’t agree with me and would even be cursing me for writing this article. But then its my view and I don’t ask or wish anybody to follow it.
To me a couple that decides to stay together for their whole life will do that no matter whether they stay in a Live-In relation or they get married to each other. And those who don’t will split or divorce each other. Now the big question arises here is what do you prefer irrespective of society norms or parents approval?
Advantages of Live-In Relation Over Marriage:
Freedom is the most important asset in life. You get a lot of freedom in Live-In relationships when compared to Marriage. There are no specific duties or responsibilities assigned to you, as if you are appointed to a job, in a live in relation. Both the couples live their life freely as they like without any obligations. In marriage, sometimes the relationship becomes a burden if the couple aren’t happy with each other and as they are married now its difficult to split. Whereas in Live-In relationship, the couples are free to stay together for a long term or for rest of their life if both of them are happy with each other. Live-In relationship also provides personal freedom to both the partners compared to marriage. Couples are not bound to take responsibilities or assigned tasks as the case in a marriage, but if both of them are in a loving and understanding relationship then both of them can decide to take and share responsibilities equally. Also if the couple is independent then nobody questions on how they choose to spend their expenses or they don’t need to get approval from each other before investing on something expensive. They are free to purchase what they want, when they want. In today’s fast paced life, Live-In Relationships are more suited than getting married.
There are so many responsibilities that come along with marriage which is not the case in a live in relation. In a live in relation there are no set of tasks assigned to wife or husband but they correlate with each other and divide the tasks among each other peacefully. There are also examples where alternate days are fixed for each of them to cook so one person doesn’t feel over burdened with responsibilities. In India, its often seen that its the wife who has to take the responsibility of looking after the house whether or not she does a full time job elsewhere. Often the lady has to quit the career to take care of the home and family which I believe is injustice. Whereas in a live in relation, the duties are divided as per mutual understanding and not by gender or role. Live in relationships can be happier if the couples learn to live together in understanding and not piling up responsibilities on a single partner. There are no hassles that come with a marriage like looking after the children, providing for them, entertaining relatives. No matter how much you love each other, you always require that personal space sometimes where you are on your own. I am not denying that you can never get such a personal space in marriage but you would agree that it is very limited when compared with live in relationship.
3. Financial relief
Its proven year by year that money can ruin best relations. Hence its very important to have financial freedom for both the parties involved in a relationship. Now a days women have become more career oriented and have dreams to conquer same like men. They even earn a healthy income and always wish to have freedom when it comes to spending on their needs and luxuries just like men. Such an amount of freedom is rarely seen between married couples whereas in a live in relationship there are no such financial issues. The guy or the girl can spend their money at their will but yes, as both of them love each other and live together there is always an exchange of advices among them. Even if the live in couple are on good financial terms with each other they also agree to share their earnings with each other which is beneficial as it ensures that both the couples are on the same page. There are no arguments or conflicts relating money problems and this helps in strengthening the relationship. The couple has faith in each other as they become sure that the money is being spent wisely.
Why to take a risk in life by getting married directly, when you can go for a live in relationship which is a perfect option to test your partner’s compatibility. You can easily get to know how your wedded life might be like in a live in relationship. There are so many things that’s gonna change when you decide to stay with each other for the rest of your life which you can experience during a live in relationship. Such an experience will help you to make out whether you will be able to lead a happy life with your spouse or it will be a dreadful one. You can know about your partner’s views on religion, sex, money and even for that sake politics. Many live in couples can easily find out each others interest and common views while many married couples on the other hand see a complete different side to their spouses every day and then wonder how did I not notice that before? This process is quite similar as you start to know each other when you start living together whether after marriage or in a live in relationship. But during a live in relationship, both the partners are actually making an effort to know each other very well while in a married life some annoying habits of your partner explodes right in your face.
5. Changing Partners
No all loving relationships are meant to last for eternity. There are many occasions where either because of some misjudgements or precocity, you make some bad decisions while choosing a partner. And if you come to know about the mistake you made after marriage, then it becomes quite difficult to get away as you are bound my marriage. Whereas in a live in relationship, if you aren’t satisfied with your partner you can simply pack your bags and move out without any legal procedures or other hassles. Live in relationship is a choice the couple make to live happily together for eternity with an understanding to move out if things don’t turn out as expected. Now days the youth are reluctant to commit very easily and often change partners quickly to choose the right one for them and live in relationships are the most preferred option for that.
6. Break ups are easier
While a marriage requires a lot of time and effort to dissolve because it a strict and unassailable arrangement, it is easy to break up with each other in a live in relationship. Married Partners have to equally divide debt and family assets, to pay Lawyers and to make arrangements with respect to the children. If a live in couple realize they are not compatible with each or that they don’t understand each other anymore they can easily break up without any constraints. Live-in relationships expose the level of love and intimacy as they stand between couples. A couple living together will get to know how much they care for and love each other and what are the various impediments in this liaison of theirs. If these impediments persist they can choose to breakup mutually without any irrational fights or arguments.
7. No Societal Norms
A live in relationship does not bog down an individual to the norms of the society as a marriage will. Because they currently fall outside the norms of societal structure, the adverse influence of society can be avoided in them. This means that live-in relationships do not follow the otherwise necessary diktats of society. The burdens of social relationship are less in a live-in relationship and it actually helps a relationship blossom further. A person can choose to be away from his partner’s family and friends if he feels he is not welcome or is being shunned by them. Most of the modern youth today have no problems on this account and are a lot more open minded so it doesn’t become necessary for the other partner to attend any familial get-togethers.
In a live-in relationship, the couples respect each other as they might have some insecurity or concern in the back of their head that they may lose the partner if they don’t behave right. Once they get married, they take each other for granted and as such start having problems, only the intensities vary. Married couples often take each other for granted whilst a live in couple deeply in love might not do the same as they might be afraid of breaking up with each other. Live in couples also cherish and respect each other a lot more than married couples, many of whom lose their spark after a few years or even months.
9. More Time
Live in couples also enjoy spending more time with each other which might not be possible in a marriage because of time constraints. A partner may not feel alone as the other partner is always with them. Live in couples are also with each other almost every single day. In a marriage, when one spouse leaves or may not be present for some important event, then there are feelings of betrayal, anger and hurt. In a live in relationship, however, a Partner is always there to provide moral and emotional support when you might be thousands of miles away from your family. Live in couples can also live independent lives so that each partner gets to fulfill his own ambitions, dreams and desires.
10. No Divorce
This is quite possibly the biggest advantage of a live in relationship over marriage. Marriages have lost their appeal to the younger generation because it means commitment and not many people can handle that along with faithfulness and fidelity. Marriages involve more legal problems and are sometimes considered an unnecessary and expensive ritual. The biggest advantage of a live in relationship is that it can be brought to an abrupt end. In order to dissolve a marriage, on the other hand, one has to go through lengthy, cumbersome and expensive divorce procedures. A divorce can be a traumatic and hurtful experience with false allegations and counter allegations making it a cruel battle of wits where no one wins except may be the lawyers. Many people are scared to enter into a new relationship after a troubled or abusive marriage.
These are my reasons why I prefer Live-In relation over Marriage. You may or may not agree with me. For me the only advantage of Marriage over Live-In relation is that it helps on legal terms especially to women at some occasions. But then again to get that single advantage she has to sacrifice her home, family and even the surname that was with her for the past 20 or more years.
Besides that Live-In relation is given a legal status in India too if you have valid proof to get judicial advantage on certain terms. In the end whatever you decide, the most important thing is to live a happy and memorable life with your spouse for eternity.