Lifestyle

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Hey Poogle,

Wish you a very Happy, Joyful and Best Birthday Ever. I also wish you have furthermore prosperous life in the years to come.

I still remember the day when I added you on Facebook to play Farmville, the popular game we both were addicted to. I also remember the time we fought because you didn’t send me any gifts back when I used to send you loads and loads of gifts on Farmville. But never then both of us thought we would be starting a company together. And by today, we have already started the journey with a goal to be the great entrepreneurs of all time and hopefully the success that we haven’t tasted yet, would be waiting somewhere down the line for us in 2014.

I am taking this opportunity today to THANK YOU for being there as a friend, a mentor, a business partner and most of all a lovely person.

As a friend, you have faced all my tantrums, my frustrations, my arguments and never even once told me to shut up. I heartily thank you for that!! You always stepped up to be my punching bag at times when I was totally messed up with life.

As a mentor, you always guided me through various things in life which I was not aware of. I have always been saying you have a treasure of knowledge with you and you did share most part of that knowledge with me. You instinct and intellect have always surprised me and I always try to learn those skills from you.

As a business partner, you stayed with me and supported me as well as our business though you had other responsibilities to look after as well. We had most of the fights during this but you never once let me down or let our business down and always tried to give your 100%.

As a lovely person, you taught me how one can spread happiness. You taught me that it’s not enough to be a good person, but more than that it’s about spreading goodness around you whether its people or for that matter animals.

This day may be special for you but more than that it’s special for me. It is my best friend’s birthday.

Thanks my Poogle for everything…

Again wishing you a very happy waala budday!!! 🙂

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Today the younger generation, mostly in metropolitan cities are opting for a Live -in Relationship. Boys and girls don’t wish to settle down with Marriage as it comes with many compromises. Be it love marriage or arrange marriage, the couple don’t get enough time to know each others like/dislikes and ambitions in life. Before they can decide, they find themselves standing at the alter. Perhaps its time, to give them space to understand what marriage is all about.

In India, we live in a very conservative world and our parents or society would never accept a live-in relationship or a couple living together without getting married. No matter how much you love a person before marriage you cannot predict the how the life changes when you actually start living with the person with new responsibility and a new life. The worst case comes often in arranged marriages where compatibility between two people living together is out of the question before marriage and they need to start to know each other, their likes or dislikes, habits and behavior in a very limited period of time and while they are beginning to know each, they get married. Its the wedding season now in the country and most of the grooms and brides are in two minds about their post married life whether they will be able to cope up with the new responsibilities and adjust with the new life.

Being married for two years, I came to know few things which can make your married life smoother. No matter for how long you know your partner, living a married life is totally different. Here are some advices that made my married life smoother and sweeter everyday and still going on. Hope, it does the same for you.

  • Holiday Together: One of the things which bonds two people together is the quality time spend with each other. It’s not necessary to go on an expensive tour with your partner. Plan small holiday with your spouse, select the location and go out together. This way you will get the break from your regular routine and an opportunity to know the person living with you more closely. Not to forget, a new collection of couple pics you are going to click.
  • Space: For me this one word is taken in a very negative way when used for married couples. In most married couples wife/husband feels that it’s their right to nag their spouse even when the other is begging for some quiet time alone. Every person needs some time to understand his/her desires, ambition, expectation or other personal stuff. One should always understand and respect space your spouse need. I do enjoy spending time with myself in my balcony and love my husband more when he doesn’t disturb me.
  • Do Thing Together: Most of couple in arranged marriage doesn’t really know about the likes and dislike of each other. So, what if you are not a nature lover as your wife or you really find cricket or tennis boring while your husband jumps like maniac watching one. You can always show some interest on each other hobby to make them special. These small things create a great bond between two people who promise to share their life together.
  • Have Individual Account: Many couple drifts apart because of the financial issue. It’s a good idea to maintain individual bank account in this generation. You can save money on your own and spend either on yourself or on spouse. Also this gives the girl freedom to spend her money the way she desire. According to me, having individual account make a win-win situation for both husband and wife…. What do you think?
  • Share Household Chores: Every elder whom I have met always made me realize one thing “Women do the household stuff, not Husband”. I used to ask why and their answer was “it’s our tradition”. Now, I never ever have read this anywhere which tell me a husband can’t help wife in cooking and cleaning. I was very much frustrated at the first year of my marriage when all the household work used to be on my shoulder while my husband used to watch me doing the circus. One day I fell down hard and while crying just asked him why he can’t help me. He laughed and said you never asked. From that day we started sharing the work, so that we both get enough time to do our office work, personal work and lead less frustrating life.
  • Shop Together: Shopping is fun and for men too. Now shopping doesn’t always mean clothes, cosmetics, jewelry etc. You can shop at vegetable market, grocery, home decor stuff or anything that you wish to bring to your house. This way your husband can know you are saving money while you can show him that you are a smart shopper.

There is nothing like a perfect married life, it’s up to you to make it one. A good Marriage life is not always about compromises you have to make; it’s more about making each other happy, comfortable and most important and respecting each other thoughts.

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Don’t mistake this question as a competition between Married couples and Live-In partners. Because it’s not! Marriage is a very highly respectful institution made by our forefathers to lead a better well managed society life. But leading a life on society norms or better say to please the society has become much of an irritation for many especially the younger generation. I do agree that a society or authority with rules and regulations is necessary to manage everything as well as ensuring a peaceful environment. But at the same time we shouldn’t forget that the Society norms should be made for the people and their welfare rather than forcing them to obey rigid age old traditions.

Same goes with Marriage. For me Marriage is all about two people legally adult (including homosexuals) taking a mutual decision to live together with each other with or without their parent’s approval. After all, it’s about the compatibility of two people both physically and mentally if they can live together with each other. Whereas now days Marriage is more like a task with a deadline and is often organized on a large scale following traditions and rituals, pleasing relatives, spending fortunes and so many time consuming activities for days.

So Get Married or Opt for a Live-In Relation?

If you ask me I would simply opt for Live-In relation. I believe that there shouldn’t any binding of “Marriage” to a loving relationship. But then India is not a country where you can have a debate on: Live-In vs Marriage as Live-In relation is considered to be a taboo as per Indian culture.

Now let’s come to the discussion. At the end of the day, if it’s all about two people having decided to live together then I really don’t understand the reason to bind them together with Marriage as if to ensure that they don’t pack their bags home the very next day. If that was the case they would never want to live together at the first place. Many people reading this wouldn’t agree with me and would even be cursing me for writing this article. But then its my view and I don’t ask or wish anybody to follow it.

To me a couple that decides to stay together for their whole life will do that no matter whether they stay in a Live-In relation or they get married to each other. And those who don’t will split or divorce each other. Now the big question arises here is what do you prefer irrespective of society norms or parents approval?

Advantages of Live-In Relation Over Marriage:

1. Freedom

Freedom is the most important asset in life. You get a lot of freedom in Live-In relationships when compared to Marriage. There are no specific duties or responsibilities assigned to you, as if you are appointed to a job, in a live in relation. Both the couples live their life freely as they like without any obligations. In marriage, sometimes the relationship becomes a burden if the couple aren’t happy with each other and as they are married now its difficult to split. Whereas in Live-In relationship, the couples are free to stay together for a long term or for rest of their life if both of them are happy with each other. Live-In relationship also provides personal freedom to both the partners compared to marriage. Couples are not bound to take responsibilities or assigned tasks as the case in a marriage, but if both of them are in a loving and understanding relationship then both of them can decide to take and share responsibilities equally. Also if the couple is independent then nobody questions on how they choose to spend their expenses or they don’t need to get approval from each other before investing on something expensive. They are free to purchase what they want, when they want. In today’s fast paced life, Live-In Relationships are more suited than getting married.

2. Responsibility

There are so many responsibilities that come along with marriage which is not the case in a live in relation. In a live in relation there are no set of tasks assigned to wife or husband but they correlate  with each other and divide the tasks among each other peacefully. There are also examples where alternate days are fixed for each of them to cook so one person doesn’t feel over burdened with responsibilities. In India, its often seen that its the wife who has to take the responsibility of looking after the house whether or not she does a full time job elsewhere. Often the lady has to quit the career to take care of the home and family which I believe is injustice. Whereas in a live in relation, the duties are divided as per mutual understanding and not by gender or role. Live in relationships can be happier if the couples learn to live together in understanding and not piling up responsibilities on a single partner.  There are no hassles that come with a marriage like looking after the children, providing for them, entertaining relatives. No matter how much you love each other, you always require that personal space sometimes where you are on your own. I am not denying that you can never get such a personal space in marriage but you would agree that it is very limited when compared with live in relationship.

3. Financial relief

Its proven year by year that money can ruin best relations. Hence its very important to have financial freedom for both the parties involved in a relationship. Now a days women have become more career oriented and have dreams to conquer same like men. They even earn a healthy income and always wish to have freedom when it comes to spending on their needs and luxuries just like men. Such an amount of freedom is rarely seen between married couples whereas in a live in relationship there are no such financial issues. The guy or the girl can spend their money at their will but yes, as both of them love each other and live together there is always an exchange of advices among them. Even if the live in couple are on good financial terms with each other they also agree to share their earnings with each other which is beneficial as it ensures that both the couples are on the same page. There are no arguments or conflicts relating money problems and this helps in strengthening the relationship. The couple has faith in each other as they become sure that the money is being spent wisely.

4. Compatibility

Why to take a risk in life by getting married directly, when you can go for a live in relationship which is a perfect option to test your partner’s compatibility. You can easily get to know how your wedded life might be like in a live in relationship. There are so many things that’s gonna change when you decide to stay with each other for the rest of your life which you can experience during a live in relationship. Such an experience will help you to make out whether you will be able to lead a happy life with your spouse or it will be a dreadful one. You can know about your partner’s views on religion, sex, money and even for that sake politics. Many live in couples can easily find out each others interest and common views while many married couples on the other hand see a complete different side to their spouses every day and then wonder how did I not notice that before? This process is quite similar as you start to know each other when you start living together whether after marriage or in a live in relationship. But during a live in relationship, both the partners are actually making an effort to know each other very well while in a married life some annoying habits of your partner explodes right in your face.

5. Changing Partners

No all loving relationships are meant to last for eternity. There are many occasions where either because of some misjudgements or precocity, you make some bad decisions while choosing a partner. And if you come to know about the mistake you made after marriage, then it becomes quite difficult to get away as you are bound my marriage. Whereas in a live in relationship, if you aren’t satisfied with your partner you can simply pack your bags and move out without any legal procedures or other hassles. Live in relationship is a choice the couple make to live happily together for eternity with an understanding to move out if things don’t turn out as expected. Now days the youth are reluctant to commit very easily and often change partners quickly to choose the right one for them and live in relationships are the most preferred option for that.

6. Break ups are easier

While a marriage requires a lot of time and effort to dissolve because it a strict and unassailable arrangement, it is easy to break up with each other in a live in relationship. Married Partners have to equally divide debt and family assets, to pay Lawyers and to make arrangements with respect to the children. If a live in couple realize they are not compatible with each or that they don’t understand each other anymore they can easily break up without any constraints. Live-in relationships expose the level of love and intimacy as they stand between couples. A couple living together will get to know how much they care for and love each other and what are the various impediments in this liaison of theirs. If these impediments persist they can choose to breakup mutually without any irrational fights or arguments.

7. No Societal Norms

A live in relationship does not bog down an individual to the norms of the society as a marriage will. Because they currently fall outside the norms of societal structure, the adverse influence of society can be avoided in them. This means that live-in relationships do not follow the otherwise necessary diktats of society. The burdens of social relationship are less in a live-in relationship and it actually helps a relationship blossom further. A person can choose to be away from his partner’s family and friends if he feels he is not welcome or is being shunned by them. Most of the modern youth today have no problems on this account and are a lot more open minded so it doesn’t become necessary for the other partner to attend any familial get-togethers.

8. Respect

In a live-in relationship, the couples respect each other as they might have some insecurity or concern in the back of their head that they may lose the partner if they don’t behave right. Once they get married, they take each other for granted and as such start having problems, only the intensities vary. Married couples often take each other for granted whilst a live in couple deeply in love might not do the same as they might be afraid of breaking up with each other. Live in couples also cherish and respect each other a lot more than married couples, many of whom lose their spark after a few years or even months.

9. More Time

Live in couples also enjoy spending more time with each other which might not be possible in a marriage because of time constraints. A partner may not feel alone as the other partner is always with them. Live in couples are also with each other almost every single day. In a marriage, when one spouse leaves or may not be present for some important event, then there are feelings of betrayal, anger and hurt. In a live in relationship, however, a Partner is always there to provide moral and emotional support when you might be thousands of miles away from your family. Live in couples can also live independent lives so that each partner gets to fulfill his own ambitions, dreams and desires.

10. No Divorce

This is quite possibly the biggest advantage of a live in relationship over marriage. Marriages have lost their appeal to the younger generation because it means commitment and not many people can handle that along with faithfulness and fidelity. Marriages involve more legal problems and are sometimes considered an unnecessary and expensive ritual. The biggest advantage of a live in relationship is that it can be brought to an abrupt end. In order to dissolve a marriage, on the other hand, one has to go through lengthy, cumbersome and expensive divorce procedures. A divorce can be a traumatic and hurtful experience with false allegations and counter allegations making it a cruel battle of wits where no one wins except may be the lawyers.  Many people are scared to enter into a new relationship after a troubled or abusive marriage.

These are my reasons why I prefer Live-In relation over Marriage. You may or may not agree with me. For me the only advantage of Marriage over Live-In relation is that it helps on legal terms especially to women at some occasions. But then again to get that single advantage she has to sacrifice her home, family and even the surname that was with her for the past 20 or more years.

Besides that Live-In relation is given a legal status in India too if you have valid proof to get judicial advantage on certain terms. In the end whatever you decide, the most important thing is to live a happy and memorable life with your spouse for eternity.

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I faced hell lot of problems in my life. Be it the study, weight, looks, confidence, job or getting married. But, even going through so many problems, I never gave up smiling and trust me I do that a lot. When I passed my college, my parents decided to get me married and so began the trauma. They got my kundali prepared from a local pandit and found their daughter is “Manglik”.

For them it was like end of their dreams of seeing me married. I never trusted any third party in my life so I ignored all that and got myself a job. The mangal got me a job or God, I have no idea but that one event changed my whole life. I got the confidence I always wanted, earn good money, made some great friends, found the LOVE of my life – Life was perfect. I met my dream man and everyday my life got better. But, Mangal actually didn’t leave my back.

When I and Kunjan (my husband) decided to get married, the “Mangal” was standing on our way. That particular moment I wished to go in space and kick Mars (Magal) butt. But, that’s was not possible, so did some research on what Mangal Dosh is all about and here’s what I found out.

Our Vedic astrology says that a person is a Manglik when the planet Mars is placed in either 1st, 2nd, 4th, 7th, 8th or 12th house of their lunar chart in his or her horoscope. These different houses represent different characteristics of a person such as mental stability (4th), marriage (7th), and long life (8th). As per the astrologers, Mangal (Mars) is an aggressive planet represents self-esteem, temperament, ego, and strife. Someone even gave me three most important reasons that being a Mangalik why I shouldn’t marry non-manglik person.

  • Manglik + Manglik = Happy Marriage: There is no logical reason of this explanation but it’s actually a popular belief in our Indian Society. For what I know, I have seen manglik couple, married and they fight like hell almost every day.
  • Marry a Tree and Save the Husband: The priests always advise you to get married to a tree first if you have Mangal Dosh. Marriage with a tree will nullify all the problems related to being a manglik and don’t come with second marriage.  May be this is the main reason of Global Warming at least in India. All Mangliks marry a tree – tree is dead and you get a partner. (Hilarious! Isn’t it?)
  • Death of Husband or Close Relative: One another belief which is completely baseless is either your husband or anyone close to you will die 😛
  • Divorce is Certain: According to the astrologers, the compatibility of married couple depends on their Mangal Dosh and not on their understanding and love of each other.

My Pick on Mangal Dosh

All this is a sheer crap. Even with Mangal Dosh, none of the above things happened with me. My hubby actually put on lot of weight after marriage, our bond got stronger every day and most important, no one died after I got married. For me, marriage is about being love with a person so much that you wish to be with them, even when you get Mangal sitting on your tail 😀

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Marriage is said to be the most important decision two person make in their life. Either it can take you to a ride of heaven or you live in hell. In India, marriage is not just marrying the person you love, it’s filled with endless rituals, pleasing every person even you hate them actually and being an ideal daughter in law. So, if you are married and have an understanding mother-in-law, sit back and enjoy every moment of your relation. But, if you don’t feel blessed like this or you are about to wed, it’s time to do some research about your mother-in-law for the sake of your future life.

A perfectionist: Now, we all want to be a perfectionist in our life. But, the truth is that we are not. So, your mother-in-law might be the first one to point this thing to you. Perfectionists usually expect everyone around them to behave in way they want. Such situation can be trick and irritating. The best way is to keep hold on to your patience and sanity. The best way is to talk about the way you wish to work.

Interferes often: Do you feel that you are nagged by your mother-in-law every now and then? If so, you might be dealing with a person who is either suffering from depression or behavioral disorder. Not many people accept that they have a tendency to interfere in others matter. Although, with your relation, the best thing you can do is to keep your husband aware of every such matter. If it’s necessary that you listen to them, it’s also important that you should allow sharing your views for your life.

A control freak: You find that your mother-in-law has an opinion about everything you do in your life. Without any hesitation she gives you commands on how you should lead your life and also pretending that she is not demanding. Then it’s a serious problem and you need to cope with the matter fast before it become routine in life.

Barge into the bedroom without knocking: We all shut our bedroom doors to enjoy the private moment with our husband and as far as I know it’s a legal thing. But, not for your mother-in-law!! I don’t understand why they need to check every few minutes on their son. They enter into the bedroom without knocking and pretend to search for a thing which is never there. I wish there is some way I could make them understand that we are not going to eat their son.

Try to influence you: One of the most dangerous things that can happen to you is being influenced by wrong person. Mothers-in-law can be extremely influential when it comes to your household matters. They will without hesitation tell you to keep house in their way or tell you how wrong you keep the house according to Feng Shui and Vastu Shastra. Common, this is 21st century!!! We hardly get a time to talk to each other and now we have to look at how the good vibration can enter into our house.

For me marriage life is all about making every moment special with the person you love. But these small things can slowly break your relations to dust. If you feel that you are losing it, try taking a step and tell your mother-in-law to stop. It’s not that you want her son to be yours only, but its time she starts accepting that you and your husband has a life to live and build a family of your own.

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